


Lars and Fugo's Special Day

by Calicornia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: A wedding is ruined by the worst lunch meat.
Relationships: Lars Barriga/Pannacotta Fugo
Kudos: 3





	Lars and Fugo's Special Day

It was a cold day in Beach City, Italy. But that didn't matter, the wedding was in France. The wind blowed slightly, everyone's hair flowing to the left, even Lee. Fugo stood at the altar, anxiously awaiting his groom to come down the aisle. A can of root beer was sitting in the grass by Fugo's feet, a snack for later.

"Hey, can you put that on a coaster?" The priest officiating the wedding said. He was a large crustacean, one with even bigger biceps. Larry the Lobster.

"Where am I gonna get a coaster?" Fugo said, trying to keep his anger inside. It was a special day, after all. His suit's holes had been plugged up for one day only, with his special patriarchy patches.

"True, nevermind." Larry the Lobster sighed. "Are you nervous? Today is a big day..."

"I am. Thank you very much." Fugo jittered, Lars's family had showed up, but not his own.

His mom and dad had disowned him years ago for beating up a teacher. His teenage angst had bottled up to a point where he just couldnt take it anymore. This world was too cruel for a boy named pudding. He pulled out the only thing he had left. His bootleg copy of The Black Parade. 

He stared into the chemicals and felt the romance coarse through his veins. Now it was time.

Pannacotta Fugo's emo phase had begun. 

"Man, that shit sucks." Larry the Lobster pat Fugo's shoulder, "I had a scene phase myself. Called me Larry the Lacerator, everyone beat me up four times every five minutes."

Ronaldo was crying, his emo phase fresh in his mind. Giorno pulled the weeaboo close, today was a day of closeness and not seperation.

"Here comes the bride, here comes the bride..." Beethoven began to play on his piano, "Here comes the bride with his thick bridely ass..."

The sound of dress shoes clacked against the stepping stones that led to the altar. Fugo shook, tears began to flow at the sight of his fiance. Lars was dressed in a white suit, his face pink with Xbox Live.

Bruno began to cry. But Lee began to thigh! Chicken thighs fell from the sky. It truly was a Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs. 

Officer Cloudy with a chance of meatballs looked on in horror as the onslaught of poultry pelted the bowlcut duo. 

"Aw shit, here we go again." The officer sighed. It was his old nemesis, it had to have been. No one else could cause devastation of this calibre. Soul Calibre II for the ps2. Only real gamers will remember.

"CHECK YOUR PRIVILIDGE GAMER SCUM"

*Chicken Brent has entered the chat*

"WHO THE FUCK INVITED CHICKEN BRENT TO MY WEDDING!!!" Fugo's anger had finally come out of the closet, just like he did all of those years ago when he met Lars at the haunted donut shop. 

"Hey man, don't be homophobic." Larry the Lobster stood in front of Chicken Brent to protect him. "Leave my dumb boyfriend alone!"

"It's my wedding!" Fugo screamed, "Fuck! I can't have one good fucking thing in my life can I?" 

"Honey, calm down!" Lars grabbed Fugo's hands, "Chicken Brent means no harm!"

"Oh, I totally mean harm!" Chicken Brent began to hurl homophobic slurs at the newly weds. Lars began to cry, profusely. Fugo had decided he'd had enough, and stomped towards Chicken Brent.

"YOU ASSBLASTING CUNT TASTE TESTING DICK FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" Fugo cried out, "I'M SAYING CURSE WORDS!" Pannacotta Fugo was going to line the fat wallets of the capitalist pigs who ran the swear jar, but he could care less about that now. In this instant he was filled with a blinding, unyielding rage.

It all happened so fast. Fugo ran at the speed of a 25 year old man running at top speed toward a man who was all Chicken from the neck down. 

Chicken Brent didn't even flinch. No one could pierce his chicken carapace.

"You fool," He chuckled. "Minecraft is just digital legos." This caused Fugo's rage to skyrocket. It was over 9000 now. 

"YOU DICK TIP POPEYES CHICKEN SANDWICH LOOKIN ASS!!!"

"Whats the matter, Pannacotta? Do you hate me because I tell the truth?"

Fugo stood, his face mad. Very mad. Hoes mad. 😡🤬 <\- he looked like this.

"Yes." He said. "Fuck you."


End file.
